Infidel Mike and his girlfriend during Spring Break at a beach

Imagine me and my girlfriend (yeah, I know, what girlfriend, right?) at Venice Beach.

Look at Frank! Holding his wife's hand (wait, Frank is married?) while staring at her big breasts (Frank doesn't like small breasts even though he never says so here. But I'll just start a vicious rumor that he hates small thingies). His wife is better looking than my girlfriend! Well, I'll do it like Aaron Kinney and pass a law requiring that girls wear absolutely nothing. No burkhas at all! Women are better off if they objectify themselves.

Suddenly, I dump my girlfriend so I can hit on Frank Walton's wife.

Miguel: Hey Frank, your wife would look better without any clothes on.

Frank: You touch my wife and you'll regret it.

Miguel: Give me, give me! Oooh, she's so fine.

Frank's wife: Eeew, stop drooling. What are you, a pervert? Your ugly, with your skinny self. Go flirt with somebody else.

Miguel: But me so horny. Me love you long time. People shouldn't wear clothes. See, I'll take my clothes off.

Frank's wife: Hold me, Frank! The skinny shrimp thinks he's good looking.

Miguel: See, I'm naked. You should be naked and children should be naked too. No burkhas! None whatsoever. Now, let me touch your wife, Frank. Please!

Miguel touches Frank's wife's arm.

Frank: That's it!

Frank puts his foot up Miguel's skinny crack!

Miguel: Ooo, not so hard! Uh, I mean, waaaa! I'm gonna get Brian Sapient on you!

Miguel runs away.

And Frank and his wife lived happily ever after. Beats my other story.

[source]