Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Brian Sapient vs Greydon Square

There's a rumor going around the internet that someone beat up my friend Brian Sapient:

...Greydon Square apparently beat the shit out of Brian Sapient. Money or something.


I've decided to make a Q&A to stop rumors about my pal Brian Sapient...

FAQ about Brian Sapient's fight with Greydon Square

Is it true that Greydon Square beat the shit out of Brian Sapient?

This is not true! Greydon did not beat up Sapient. Sapient broke Greydon's hand with his face. Brian repeatedly head-butted Greydon's knuckles! Finally, people separated Greydon from Brian, because Greydon's knuckles were sore from all that violence.

Is it true that Brian Sapient had to go to a hospital? That he was put in an ambulance?

This is true. Brian Sapient's face was a mush of pulp after using it against Greydon's fist.

Is it true that Brian Sapient was screaming like a little bitch during the fight?

Not true. Brian Sapient threw so many head-butts on Greydon's fist that there was no time to scream.

Is it true the fight was over Brian Sapient's handling of Greydon Square's album sales?

Yes, this is true. Brian wanted about 90% of all of Greydon's album sales. That's only fair! Brian Sapient works harder than Greydon Square. That was probably Sapient's voice on the CDs, too, dammit! According to a commentor named "Joe" (an atheist who doesn't care for either Brian or Greydon, but witnessed the event):

Here are the facts as told to me by one of the two witnesses who were asked to be there by Greydon during the 'talk' that turned into a vicious attack. I don't even know Brian, never met him, and don't vouch for any other aspect of his personality. The true story is it had to do with some customers buying Greydon's cd's (I tried to like this guy before this happened too, but now he is a low life scum bag who gets no respect from me and apparently didn't rise above the disgusting glorification of the ghetto culture) from the RSS website. Many customers were getting lost after they paid for their CD's, and they complained directly to Greydon that they were not getting their CDs they ordered. Greydon then wants a mediated (his request) meeting with Brian Sapient about the issue. From one of the only two eye witnesses, he was "very irate" before even going to this meeting. The meeting was arranged a bit later, and Greydon airs his complaints about the CD's to Brain. When Brian explained this was an issue that was being worked out, Greydon then demanded of Brian that he not sell any CD's at the event. Brain refused, and Captain Dipshit flipped over the table and pummeled his fists into Brian's face repeatedly, more times than could be counted, as the the other two in attendance ran for help.

Is it true that Brian Sapient was too lazy to distribute the CDs to customers?

Kelly's tits got in the way of the mail box. Is that our fault for being "lazy"? Sheesh!

Is Greydon Square a sellout to atheists?

Yes. He is no longer a member of the Rational Response Squad. Anybody who's against us deserves to be called "cunts."

Is it true that most atheists (and not Christians) are happy that Brian Sapient got his ass kicked?

That's a lie!!!! A lie! Lie! Lie! Look at what everybody is saying about us:

Everybody at RantsNRaves respects Brian.
Everybody at Richard Dawkins' forums respects us, too.
Even the commentors at teapot atheists likes us.

So, get off our case! Atheists love us, dammit!

Is this picture...

... of Brian Sapient after the fight?

Yes. Not only did Brian use his face against Greydon's hands, he used his whole body. See, Brian's really tough.

Is it true that most atheists (like this guy) disapprove of Brian Sapient and the Rational Response Squad?

That's a stupid question, and a lie. We're a minority among a minority, so what?

Was this a black-on-white fight? Or a black-on-black fight?

This was a black on black fight, stupid. Brian Sapient isn't white, dummy. He acts too black to be white.